You Win Some You Learn Some – Reflection of my Jiu-jitsu Competition

Competing is such an intense experience. If you’ve ever participated in competitive sports, you know the feeling I’m talking about. Now, multiply that intensity by 100. I’m not kidding. You’ve got to be a special kind of crazy to compete in Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. Picture this. Your opponent is trying to take you to the ground, control you, break any moving joint in your body, and choke you unconscious. How’s that for some friendly competition? Despite the million miles per hour movement, heart rate, and aggression – when all is said and done, you shake hands, hug it out, and show deference, because win or learn, Jiu-jitsu works. We respect the technique and especially our training partners whom without we can’t learn and improve.

Yesterday I competed in my second Jiu-jitsu competition ever. I competed at white belt in 2016 and this was my first competition at blue belt now in 2018. Here’s the catch – I fought the same woman in both tournaments. Not just any woman; my own teammate. A tough, fast moving, strong and technical grappler. This woman is determined. When she sets her goal, she is determined to get it. I admire the hell out of her for it. We received our blue belts together and I am proud to say she is one of my greatest friends and best training partner. So when we realized we were going to fight each other again at an In-House tournament due to lack of female blue belt competitors, we knew we would put on a good show.

I didn’t do anything special to prepare for this fight. I train BJJ every day, a couple of times a day so I didn’t feel like I was lacking training. I didn’t cut weight. I ate whatever I wanted. I didn’t work out any different. I know that I will need to change this when I start competing in bigger tournaments such as the IBJJF.

THE DAY OF THE FIGHT

My match wasn’t scheduled until about 1 PM so I had plenty of time to eat breakfast, get hydrated, and relax. I ate a half of a Mexican style sandwich with turkey, cotija cheese, bean paste, red onions, tomato, and avocado and a side of fruit. I felt satisfied which was a difference from my first tournament in 2016 where I ate just a bowl of oatmeal and was starving before my fight. I also had some pre-workout and lots of water so I had to pee like 10 times before 1pm LOL. TMI, but I know the lady practitioners will appreciate the honesty. I wasn’t nervous. I was actually just really excited to experience competing again. I’ve never been a really competitive person so I knew that if I’d win or lose, I’d be okay.

The fight went down like this: She shot for a double leg, I hit a reversal and ended up on top with an advantage then while trying to pass her guard, I got caught in an arm bar to which I tapped.

And that post fight feeling I had completely forgotten! Out of breath, hands cramped up, heart racing, exhilarating feeling… I want to do it again.

I made silly mistakes in my match and did things I wouldn’t normally do. Why? Probably due to the overwhelmingly fast-paced intensity. How does one think at such a rate? I guess it will come with more competition experience, learning from my mistakes, and muscle memory.

Although I didn’t get the win, I am proud of myself for going out there and competing. It takes courage to put your pride aside, step on the mat in front of a crowd, and give it all you’ve got. As for now, I will 1) nurse my elbow injury which could have been a lot worse, but I am grateful that it will heal in a couple weeks. I’ll have to observe it carefully and update you all on the status. I will 2) continue to train daily, most likely tie one arm up and not use it when rolling. I will 3) watch my video and address my mistakes. Isn’t that always hard the first couple of days after a loss? Watching what you did wrong or could/should have done – or is it just me? Lol. It’s painful, but it sure does make you hungry. Hungry to get back out there and do better next time. I will also 4) mentally and physically prepare better for my next competition.

Not only did I take valuable information from my own match, but from those of others as well. That’s the beauty of the game – you’re constantly learning. Here is what I managed to take in that I hope will be useful to anyone who wants to compete.

*“You’ve got to want it bad enough. If you didn’t win, you didn’t really want it.” That’s some powerful, eye-opening, tough love, band-aid ripping off, realization type of motivation from my Professor. It makes you want to get to work.

*Be aggressive. Don’t take no for an answer. I once asked my Professor what a good dialogue to have with myself in my head during rolling and he gave me this: “Just think. Do you want to be the hammer or the nail? This motherfucker is trying to make me the nail right now, but I’m the fucking hammer.” –Professor Carlos Gomez. Save the friendly rolls for training, turn it up in competition.

*Tap early if you need to. Your ego is not worth the injury that will follow the stubbornness to tap. I hyper-extended my elbow from not tapping early enough to the arm bar thinking I could still escape so that will cost me flexibility and range of motion in my arm for a couple weeks. Not being 100% is really annoying.

*Control the pant legs. I always do this in training so I am especially peeved at the fact that I didn’t try harder at doing this in the comp. One of the silly mistakes that cost me the match. I need to recite that to myself during the entire match. *annoyed face*

*Don’t talk back to your Coach or Professor if they give you feedback while you’re fighting. They’ve been there before, know more than you, and are only trying to help you win. Despite all that it’s also disre-fucking-spectful.

*If you’re thinking about doing something in your head, just DO IT! A couple of times I thought to myself of going for the takedown or kicking off the spider hook and I actually remember saying no. It was too late. While I’m having this deliberation in my head, my opponent just advanced their position. Shit.

*Don’t be afraid to take risks. This guy pulled off a flying arm bar. I spoke to him after, and he said he’d never done that before. I was afraid to get guillotined while going for a takedown, but I should’ve just taken the risk. Who knows. It could have turned out in my favor.

All in all, competing was a great experience! Definitely one I want to continue and improve upon. Thank you to all of my training partners at Gomez Jiu-jitsu, Gerson Sanginitto of Delta BJJ, and especially my Professor & husband, Carlos Gomez, who teaches me everything I need and more to succeed and believes in me whole-heartedly. I love you.

“A minor setback paves the way for a major comeback.”
–Saiyidah Aisyah Mohamed Rafa’ee, Singapore Olympic Rower

What was your competition experience like? What are some of the things you have learned while competing? Let’s converse in the comments! Thanks for reading.
-Jules

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25 Things I’ve Learned in 25 Years

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I just celebrated my 25th birthday a couple of days ago! What an accomplishment. It feels oddly good to be 25, but totally weird that I’m in my MID-twenties (oh my goodness). I woke up this morning feeling like binge-watching The Bachelor on Hulu and not getting out of bed, but then I started to get hungry so I scrambled to the kitchen to make some oatmeal and drink my terrible-tasting yet healthy apple cider vinegar tonic. Blehhhhh. In an instant I felt energized. I thought ‘there is so much I can do today before work but if I sit in bed all day, today will be like all the other unproductive days, and I’m left grasping for time to do the things I love like read or write or craft! Immediately I began to put away the clean dishes, wash the ones in the sink, make some green tea, even meal prep some salmon and sweet potato in the oven. As I huddled back to my warm bed to eat my oatmeal, I felt refreshed and productive. So I am feeling really good about this whole 25 thing, and I just know that this will be one of the best years of my life.

It’s odd how things change. One minute you’re leaving the nest, and the next you’ve got all these experiences under your belt! There is so much I have learned in 25 years and so much I’ve yet to learn. Here are some lessons I think would be beneficial for anyone at any age. Enjoy!

  1. Communication really is important. We could avoid so many quarrels and misunderstandings if we just took the time to communicate and listen correctly.
  2. Reading is the best way to keep your brain working. Surely you have time to read one page a day. Use sticky notes to create notes of what you learn and apply it. Self improvement books are great!
  3. Chicken tikka masala is LIFE. If you’re not a fan of spicy foods, try mild. It’s delish!
  4. Let go of people who put you down, don’t see your value, or don’t dedicate time to you.
  5. Don’t shake a bottle of Kombucha (especially not in the car).
  6. Quit that job you hate, and follow your passion.
  7. Your past does not define you.
  8. Learn to be alone and be okay with it.
  9. Know how to defend yourself. Learn Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
  10. Not really digging the outfit you’re wearing or feeling totally blah? + Red lipstick.
  11. Your parents really do want the best for you. Call them often. (P.S. Your Mom was right)
  12. Forgiveness frees you. Forgive that person. More importantly, forgive yourself.
  13. Exercise. It’s therapeutic, and it releases endorphins which make you happy.
  14. Laughter is the best medicine.
  15. Take the tea bag out of your tea after seeping it if you want it to NOT taste like a dirty sock (not that I’d know what one tastes like or anything).
  16. Don’t wait to be “in shape” to do or start something. (i.e. wear a swim suit, go to the beach, start a fitness class etc.)
  17. Failure is a step closer to success. So fail; fail miserably.
  18. Try sour beer. Trust me.
  19. Pray and thank God every day.
  20. Everyone you meet knows something you don’t. If you have trouble networking or making conversation – think positively – this person has something to teach me; now go and find out what it is.
  21. You are allowed to put yourself first. When you take care of your health, your energy and enthusiasm will radiate towards everyone around you. You’ll have a better outlook on life, improve your work performance, strengthen your relationships and actually start to live your life in the present moment.
  22. There’s no use in crying over spilt milk.
  23. Know a little somethin’ somethin’ about geography.
  24. If you have a question about something or are asked a question you don’t know, google it. It will come up again in conversations with people. How awesome that you’ll know the answer?
  25. Set alarms and timers for EVERYTHING because you will forget.

Did I miss something? What lessons have you learned thus far? Let me know in the comments! Thanks for reading.
-Jules

Don’t forget to say hello on Instagram and Like BJJ and Self Love on Facebook.

Focused and Fearless 2018

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I’m excited for a brand new year! Aren’t you? You’re either with New Year Resolutions or against them. Personally, I’m a big goal-setter so whether it’s the middle of the month or the end of the year, I love me some good goal plan & action inspo! There is so much magic in the air right now; everyone is motivated to finally crush some of their long anticipated aspirations. It’s the perfect time to get really focused on who we want to become and what we want to do this year. Let’s make this 2018 a memorable one!

Let’s live in the moment, take tons of pictures, spend time with our friends and family, challenge our comfort zones, take risks, make mistakes, and learn from them. Laugh it off, let it go, forgive others (and ourselves), travel and see new sights, get healthy and strong, take care of ourselves (mentally and physically) volunteer, get closer to God, learn new things, create, cook, read, write, network, adventure, and simply enjoy our life in the present moment. Don’t wait for a Monday or for you to get “in shape” – Start your growth journey now and allow yourself to become the best version of yourself – the woman that beats to her own drum boldly and unapologetically.

Actionable steps:

1. Make a list of all you want to accomplish and categorize your goals for ultimate organization.

2. Find accountability in a friend, family member or social media platform. (Send me an email if you want me to be your accountability partner! bjjandselflove@gmail.com)

3. Get to work on 2 goals per week. (In a month, you’ll have accomplished or made progress on 8 goals! Now imagine what you could do in 12 months?)

4. Journal your plan, thoughts, and progress along the way.

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My 2018 Goals

Fitness & Brazilian Jiu-jitsu

  • Hit the gym 3 x per week
  • Spin 2 x per week
  • Train BJJ 5 x per week
  • Increase strength
  • Compete in BJJ 2 x

Health

  • Gain 5 lbs of muscle
  • Drink green tea daily
  • Start juicing
  • Increase fruit & vegetable consumption
  • Decrease meat consumption

Intellectual

  • Read 1 book every month
  • Start a book club
  • Practice my Spanish

Life at Home

  • Paint the bedroom and hallway
  • Clean out my wardrobe
  • Donate to the Goodwill
  • Increase interior décor in apt

Personal

  • Get closer to God
  • Become more fashionable
  • Get creative with my hair
  • Experiment with make-up
  • Participate in photo shoots
  • Be the best wife I can be
  • Listen, support, and encourage my husband

DIY

  • Create a natural face-wash
  • Create a felt plushie line

Business

  • Increase female students at Gomez Jiu-jitsu
  • Create an Etsy Shop

Learn

  • Calligraphy
  • Graphic design
  • HTML & CSS coding

Travel

  • Go camping
  • Go to Big Bear

Creating this dream personal attitude and lifestyle will take so much practice. I don’t know about you, but I’ll say “no” to risk a hundred times before finally taking a leap. That’s why I think it’s important and useful to remind myself (and you) of this goal planning process. I’m sending motivation your way so let’s get #focusedandfearless this 2018!

What are some goals you want to accomplish in 2018? Use the hashtag #focusedandfearless, and tag me on your photo for a chance to be featured on my Instagram!

Don’t forget to say hi on Instagram and Facebook.

Thanks for reading!
Jules

You Can’t Just Be, You Have to Become

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Why You Shouldn’t Rush to be Promoted
If you ask a Brazilian Jiu-jitsu practitioner’s goal in BJJ, the most popular answer you’ll get is: to become a black belt. Plain and simple. Yet there’s no simple, calculated, nor smooth-paved road to get there. It takes years of dedication and hard work. Your nearest belt up will, too, be a stretch. We all want to progress and get promoted, therefore we can’t feel frustrated or discouraged when asked to train more frequently, harder or for a longer period of time. You’re not just getting a different colored belt tied around your waist; when you are promoted it means you completely embody that rank. You have to grow not only on a technical level, but your BJJ mindset must match that of your respective rank.

Progressing in jiu-jitsu is a lot like growing up. You’ll go through different mental stages throughout your journey. When you’re young, the tendency to misbehave or make immature decisions is higher. In the same way, a very new white belt will try to use their strength rather than technique to get the tap. When we look at behavior – Everyone knows that person too prideful to tap, becomes upset or discouraged when tapped, or boasts when tapping a training partner. Sound familiar? Maybe you know someone like this. Maybe we were once this way. Ultimately, once we progress or “get older” in jiu-jitsu, our behavior and thoughts change. We’ll tap because the technique works and we’ll strive to learn how we got there so we don’t make the same mistake again. And we will have the utmost respect for our training partners, because without them we can’t learn.

So just like you can’t consume alcohol until you’re 21 years old because the chances of you making mature decisions at any younger age are pretty slim; you can’t just be your next belt because you, too, need to mature on the mat. Now, as you progress in jiu-jitsu, you’ll get to understand the technique in a whole new way. You’ll learn the ins and outs of it – how and why it works. You won’t do the technique a certain way simply because “you were told to,” but because you understand the mechanics and why those steps will make the technique successful.

Don’t stress over the amount of time it will take to get to the next belt, because the time will pass anyway. Train hard and consistently. Your mindset will soon evolve from the average individual’s to one of a mature martial artist. When the time comes for you to receive a promotion, you’ll have mentally and technically grown to meet the higher demands and challenges.

[Keep reading for a BJJ goals and game plan worksheet at the end of this article]

Improving Your Game
Wherever you are in your journey, one piece of advice to improve your game which I received from my professor is to “practice your techniques with lower belts (or the same level), but flow roll with higher belts.” That’s where you’re going to learn a whole lot. They have more knowledge than you so don’t try to kick their ass just to save yours, try to understand how they caught you and add those skills to your toolbox.

Prof. Carlos always says, “Choose your battles. Not every roll has to be till the death.” The other day, he and a student were flow rolling. They ended up in a new position from which Professor realized he could set up a submission. He was also able to successfully recreate the set up every time because he knew how he got there. If it had been a fast-paced scramble, he might have missed the opportunity to learn that new set up. So don’t force your way into submissions. Flow, and use your mind to follow along with movements, offenses and defenses. Brazilian Jiu-jitsu is the hardest martial art to receive a black belt in, that’s why it’s so effective. It works not because everyone says it does, but because you have actually devoted the time learning the ins and outs of the techniques. Nowadays, everyone is so focused on finding the quickest, most convenient way to get what they want that they end up losing sight of the bigger picture – You can’t just be you have to become; mindset and all.

Take risks, fail and learn. “The black belt has failed more times than the lower belt has ever tried.” So if we do truly want to become a black belt someday we have to stay committed despite the length of time, fears, doubts and discouragement. In the end, we’ll understand that those challenges we thought we couldn’t get past were imperative lessons we couldn’t imagine our journey without.

My husband (and BJJ Professor) and I were discussing our BJJ goals for 2018 when he said, “The people who are not afraid to lose and get their ass kicked are the ones that learn so fast.” I was completely inspired by that. No one wants to lose nor get their ass kicked, but if you always play it safe just to avoid those “losses,” you could potentially never grow nor progress as a martial artist. So this 2018, let’s choose to live #focusedandfearless in our BJJ journey. We can be as open to failing as we are to learning. We can shoot for that take down and get guillotined, or fight to get to our knees but have our backs taken. Screw it! As long as we are taking those risks and observing how we can better ourselves next time. I want to learn fast. Who doesn’t? I’m willing to get my ass kicked to do that. It’s going to take a step, or 5, out of our comfort zone, but eventually it will become habitual and we’ll become mentally stronger. Are you willing to put your fear and ego aside to become a better martial artist?

As we go into 2018, I invite you to get clear on your BJJ goals and create a realistic game plan to launch you into jiu-jitsu success. Here are my goals and game plan. Print your own 2018 BJJ Game Plan Worksheet.

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Goal

Game plan

Train at least 5 days per week. Go to bed early and wake up early for training. Have some sort of caffeine and drink lots of water to stay alert.
Create a technique library. Record a video of technique taught in class to reference it later.
Practice techniques in a realistic setting. Roll at least 3 times per week. Record videos to catch mistakes and successes.
Increase strength, speed and endurance. Create a strength and conditioning plan specifically to improve my personal BJJ game.
Increase overall energy. Eat healthy, minimal processed food and stay hydrated.
Compete 2 times this year. (minimum) Create a successful training camp, save money to compete or find a sponsor.
Focus on one technique every month. Drill it every day, watch videos on it, practice during rolling, learn counters, and counters for counters!

What current rank do you hold in Jiu-jitsu? What are some of your BJJ goals and how to you plan to accomplish them?

Don’t forget to say hello on Instagram and Facebook!

Thanks for reading! –Jules

Christmas is Over! What Happened to my House?

Christmas just flew by and I don’t know about yours, but it left my apartment looking like a tornado blew through it! It’s around this time that everyone is hustlin’ and bustlin’ – crafting, cooking, baking. Hosting or traveling for the holidays. There isn’t much time to get your personal life together and especially not the house.

My apartment is a complete and utter mess! I’ve got wrapping paper on the couch, luggage we have yet to unpack, loads of laundry to do, and all the Christmas outfit contenders lying around. Dishes in the sink and mugs of half drank tea on the counter. Presents we received from loved ones crowded around our living room and Christmas décor still up. What seemed cozy then now seems like clutter!

We were away from home for the holidays which didn’t leave much in between time to tidy up. We went to an Ugly Sweater Party on the 23rd in San Diego at my sister-in-law’s house. We were so not prepared for this, but with all the felt I had lying around from my recent plushies crafts, we were able to put something together fast. My husband decorated his ugly sweater with a cut out felt piece of “Mr. Hanky, the Christmas Poo.” (Hand drawn by the way. My husband is an amazing artist.) He also colored the sweater with brown blotches from a marker LOL. It was pretty grodie but hilarious. I sewed a photo of my hubby on a sweater, glued on a cotton beard and a felt Christmas hat making him look like Santa Claus. (Not ugly – cute, in fact, but for lack of preparation and supplies, it was the only thing I could come up with. *Cue the tiny violins*)

The party had some really crazy ugly sweaters! Pizza slice boxes, candy wrappers, one random chancla (a flip-flop). I LOL’ed at the sight of that, and even more so when I saw a dude wearing a sweater with a big leopard print bra and a pink tutu. Next year, Charlie and I will be more prepared! Heck, even Peppercorn had an awesome Christmas sweater – baby blue with a snowman holding a broom. So cute. Feast yer’ eye on our sweater wearin’ selves below.

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We spent Christmas Eve at my husband’s parent’s house eating posole and watching ‘Home Alone’. On Christmas day, we headed to my parent’s house. We ate carnitas, told jokes and watched more movies. So lots of Mexican food and movies all weekend. FUN!

Since being away for the last couple of days, I neglected my little apartment leaving everything out of place. Once I tidy up, I’ll feel like I have my life together a little more. Here are my best tips on how to approach a messy home in a way that won’t overwhelm you.

  • Turn on relaxing music, a good show on Netflix, candles or oil diffusers. Anything that will get you into cleaning-mode. I enjoy using lavender essential oil; the smell is wonderful and soothing.
  • Have some caffeine. If I have to clean in the morning, I usually start after a couple cups of green tea to wake me up.
  • Get a short home work out, shower, and then start cleaning. Not only will you check that off your to-do list, but the endorphins you’ll feel after will make you feel pumped and motivated to take on any challenges.
  • Start in one room at a time – I either start in my bedroom or in the kitchen which is usually the messiest/hardest part due to numerous dishes in the sink, sweeping and mopping.
  • Pile all of the trash together in one bag – ripped up wrapping paper, tags, paper towels, notes, envelopes, receipts, broken tidbits, etc.
  • Put everything back in its place. Those cups need to be in the kitchen. Water bottles in the recycle bin. Towels hung in the restroom. Books back on their shelf. Anything that is not in its home, needs to go back there asap.
  • Hang all of your clothes that need to be in the closet and fold all of your clothes that need to be in dresser drawers.
  • Make your bed. Once it’s made, your whole room looks a little more put together.
  • Open the blinds and let light in. A little sunshine will brighten up any room making it look less messier than it is.
  • Sweep and mop (or vacuum) every room at the end.
  • Organize your dishes before washing them. This habit may not be for everyone as it may take more time to do, but it definitely works for me. I organize all of the cups and mugs in one space, pans in another, stack the plates, and all of the silverware and cooking utensils together. Getting everything organized beforehand helps me visualize how much I have to wash (It usually isn’t as much as it seems) and, in turn, I feel less stressed when approaching a sink full of dirty dishes.
  • Make your house smell amazing. Add a scented plug-in to every room for the finishing touch – kitchen, bedroom, office, living room, restroom, etc.

Check out my printable Holiday Cleaning Chart and get your cleaning groove on! Making lists and checking boxes off helps me stay organized and feel accomplished rather than overwhelmed! I left some empty spaces for you guys to add anything else you want to check off your cleaning list plus a space to jot down any notes that will be useful for you. Enjoy!

There is no better time than now to tidy up, organize and reinvent our homes to reflect the clean slate we get with the new year. Happy cleaning!

How do you get into cleaning mode? Loud music? Candles? Hair up? Coffee? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading.
-Jules

The Confidence Code Review

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One of my goals this December was to finish reading The Confidence Code. The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know by Katty Kay & Claire Shipman.

Number of pages: 203

We’ve all had feelings of self-doubt. Whether we’re too embarrassed to ask for more money at our job, nervous when giving a speech or holding conversations with people, or ruminating on all the things we did wrong instead of right. Why can’t we be more confident and take more risks? Is it simply wired in our DNA or is confidence something we can learn?

I’ll tell you straight up that this book is not one of those “self-help” advice kind. It’s more factually based with interviews and research from behavioral therapists, neurologists and psychologists.

It first starts off by interviewing women in different environments– sports, law, business. Anyone would think that these women in their professional settings would have sky-high confidence, but would you be surprised to hear that they, too, struggle with feelings of self-doubt? The book also talks about how confidence impacts us as children and the importance of letting our girls make mistakes instead of always praising them for being quiet, well-behaved and reliable.

Below are some key take-aways:

  • “A number of studies conducted with MRIs, before and after a short period of meditation, showed less activity in the amygdala (the fear center of the brain) after an average of 8 weeks of meditation.”
  • “It’s in school that girls are expected to keep their head’s down, study quietly, and do as they’re told. We didn’t charge down the halls like wild animals, and we didn’t get into fights during recess…” “The result is that making mistakes, and taking risks, behavior critical for confidence building, is also behavior girls are trying to avoid, to their detriment.”
  • “Research shows that when a boy fails, he takes it in stride, believing it’s due to lack of effort. When a girl makes a similar mistake she sees herself as sloppy, and comes to believe that it reflects lack of skill.”
  • “The fear center of our brain is the amygdalae. We all have two of them. One is associated with taking external action as a result of negative emotions, and the other with using thought processes and memory in response to stress. Men rely more on the amygdala that deals with action, while women tend to activate the memory/emotion amygdala more easily.”
  • “The key to creating a growth mind-set is to start small. Think about what you praise in yourself or your kids. If you praise ability by saying, “You’re so smart” or “You’re so good at tennis; you’re a natural athlete,” you are instilling a fixed mind-set. If, however, you say, “You’ve worked so hard at tennis, especially your backhand,” you are encouraging a growth mind-set.”
  • “Making a distinction between talent and effort is critical. If we believe that somehow we’re given talents at birth that we can’t control, then we’re unlikely to believe that we can really improve on areas in which we’re weak. But when success is measured by effort and improvement, then it becomes something we can control, something we can choose to improve on.”
  • “Claiming a top position always seems daunting, but coasting at the same level doesn’t increase our confidence. The trick is to recognize that the next level up might be hard, that you might be nervous, but to not let those nerves stop you from acting.”
  • “Confidence is a choice we can make to act, or to do, or decide.”
  • “Is failure really worse than doing nothing? And how often might we have triumphed if we had just decided to give it a try?”
  • “Failing fast. Do it, learn and move on.”
  • “Instead of saying, “I am not a failure,” it’s more useful to say, “Yes, sometimes I do fail, we all fail, and that’s okay.” It’s extending the same kindness and tolerance – the very same qualities we find so much easier to afford our friends – to ourselves, while coming to terms with our own imperfections.”
  • “The people who succeed aren’t always naturals. They are doers.”
  • “Upspeak when answering questions. Upspeak: Raising the tone of your voice at the end of a sentence in a way that suggests what you are really doing is asking a question, not making a declaration.”
  • “Praise progress not perfection.”
  • “Think less. Take action. Be authentic. Confidence is within reach. The experience of it can be addictive. And it’s greatest rewards go well beyond workplace achievements or outward success.”

Overall, this book was very informative and compelling. I recommend it to all the women out there who want to understand how confidence differs in men and women; those who think they are alone in this self-doubt struggle – even professional basketball players, law-makers and CEO’s face daily mind-set battles, and the importance of raising confident daughters by encouraging mistakes and risk taking.

So how to we improve our confidence? Focus on less people pleasing. More action, risk-taking, and fast failure.

One of my goals this 2018 is to work on my confidence. Teaching BJJ to a group of students, mostly men, as a mere blue-belt takes courage and confidence, but I know that I pertain the skills to do so and that it’s my mind-set I have to convince.

Ultimately, confidence takes action and if that leads to mistakes and failure then so be it. I (and you) will eventually learn how to deal with it, accept our imperfections and adopt a growth mind-set.

Do you struggle with confidence? What is one thing you would do if your confidence wasn’t an issue? Leave an answer in the comment section.

Thanks for reading!
-Jules

How to Finish 2017 Strong

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Ah, December. The last month of the year. It’s been an eventful one for me – getting engaged to my best friend at the beginning of the year, wedding planning, getting married in the summer, road tripping to Oregon, taking my health serious, crushing my fitness goals, starting a blog, teaching three jiu-jitsu programs (adults, teens and children) all while learning confidence and self-love. Needless to say, I’ve accomplished a lot and though it’s been a busy year, it’s still not over yet. There are 20 days left of 2017 so let’s go out with a bang! Bust out your notebooks or a nearby napkin, and your favorite pen to jot down some ideas on finishing 2017 strong!

Need some ideas for your goal list?

  1. Travel goal. Where do you want to go? It can be local or even a plane ride away.
  2. Try something new goal. Feeling brave? Taste a new cuisine, bake a sweet treat, take a Brazilian Jiu-jitsu class or attempt a Pinterest DIY craft.
  3. Productivity goal. You know that thing you’ve been avoiding? You should go ahead and just do it.
  4. Step out of your comfort zone goal. Do one thing that scares you.
  5. Keep in touch goal. Mail some cards out to friends and family to let them know you’re thinking of them.
  6. Health goal. Gain or lose weight, stop drinking soda, eat more vegetables, drink more water.
  7. Fitness goal. Run a mile in less than __ minutes, go for a walk 3 times a week, do 30 consecutive push-ups without stopping.

Here are a few things I said I wanted to accomplish by the end of the month:

  • Make jump-roping a habit (Haven’t jump-roped once)
  • Finish reading two books (Haven’t even finished the first one I started!)
  • Increase muscle mass (Haven’t strength trained in a couple weeks)

We won’t always accomplish every single thing we say we will; unless that’s your style (more power to you!) I feel that it’s important to set realistic and measureable goals in order to actually ensure you’ll achieve them. So if I’m being honest with myself (and you), I’ve decided to re-vamp my list of to-do’s.

I want to:

  • Make a diy craft
  • Finish reading one book
  • Clean out my closet
  • Donate to the Goodwill
  • Send Holiday cards
  • Increase blog following +3 followers
  • Paint an art piece
  • Gain 3 new BJJ students
  • Increase female students at Gomez Jiu-jitsu (If interested, comment on this post or email me bjjandselflove@gmail.com)

I know that completing this list will fulfill my soul and I’ll be content with how I ended 2017. So make sure to set some goals that will launch you into an amazing start to 2018!

What are some of your December goals? Comment or make your own list and tag me on Instagram @bjjandselflove to be featured!

Thanks for reading.
-Jules